Pundit Picks Prime Puns

The International Save the Pun Foundation published its "Best Stressed Puns of 1995," including a haiku entry from Malaysia, an Irish limerick and a takeoff on Charles Dickens.

In his year-end message, Chairman Norman Gilbert said "paranamours," or lovers of puns had sent contributions from around the world to help the Toronto-based group achieve its goal of "stamping out alliteracy."

Gilbert cited the best Haiku from an unidentified Malaysian member:

In need of some dough
A thief got into my house
Intruder window.


It is better to have loved a short person and lost
than never to have loved a tall

In England they do not have a kidney bank,
but they do have a Liverpool

If a centipede a bucketful,
how much would a precipice? A sheer drop.

Another passage tells how Charles Dickens was despondent in a Paris bar, telling the bartender "It is the worst of times, for I am without an idea for a new work. Let me partake of a vodka martini," to which the bartender responded "Olive or twist?"

The year's best list also included an Irish limerick:

There once was a fellow named Clyde
Who fell into an outhouse and died.
His unfortunate brother
Fell into another
And now they're interred side by side.