Q: What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them, but never actually see them.
Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
Q: Did you hear about the Blonde that got an AM radio?
A: It took her a month to realize she could also listen to it in the afternoon.
Q: What do you call a Blonde with half a brain?
Q: How do a Blonde's brain cells die?
A: Alone. Terribly alone.
Q: What do you call a Blonde with 2 brain cells?
Q: What do you call it when a Blonde dies her hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Why do Blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because silly, that's where you're SUPPOSED to wash vegetables!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: Why do Blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: Why is it good to have a Blonde passenger?
A: So you can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What was the Blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: How do you make a Blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q: Why should Blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: How can you tell if a Blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if another Blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What did the Blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Q: Why do Blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) Like, I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a Blonde?
A: Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
Q: How do Blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: Why don't Blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: Why don't Blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head into the jar.
Q: Why don't Blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They can't find the pull tab.
Q: How did the Blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the Zamboni machine.
Q: Why do Blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a Blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a Blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: What does a Blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a Blonde blows in another Blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What did the Blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag)?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
Q: What do you call 15 Blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you do when a Blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What do you do when a Blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like Heck....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: If a Blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The Blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What happens when a Blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Why do Blondes have square boobs?
A: Because they forget to take the tissues out of the box.
Q: How many Blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
Q: What do you get when you offer a Blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Q: Why does a Blonde change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: How did the Blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How does a Blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: Why did the Blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said 'From 2-4 years'.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a Blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What's a Blonde's favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Why do Blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
Q: How do you make a Blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
Q: What do you call a Blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: How did the Blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: Why do Blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
Q: What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A Blonde electrician.
Q: Why are dumb Blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because Blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
A3: So men can understand them.
Q: What did the Blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: What job function does a Blonde have in an M&M factory?
Q: Do you know why the Blonde proofreader got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why did the Blonde try to steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: What do you call a Blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a shopping cart?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Q: What does a Blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: Why did the Blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A Blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Did you hear about the Blonde couple that were found frozen to death
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see 'Closed for the Winter'.
Q: What did they name the offspring of a Blonde and a Puerto Rican?
Q: Did you hear about the Blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: How does a Blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a Blonde.
Q: How do you get a one-armed Blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: What does a Blonde think innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
Q: How do you confuse a Blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How did the Blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the Blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX has been sent by a Blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a Blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: Why do Blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why do all Blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
Q: Why don't Blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't Blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't Blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: They can't find the number 11 on the telephone.
Q: What does a Blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What does a Blonde make best for dinner?
Q: Why did the Blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the Blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the Blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the Blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.
Q: What are the worst six years in a Blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 Blondes.
Q: Why is the Blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for Blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: What do you call a Blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?
A: Rebel without a clue.
Q: What does Dr. McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a Blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: What can strike a Blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.
Q: How many Blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
Q: Why couldn't the Blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know which ONE came first...
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagen?
Q: What happened to the Blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?
A: Nail polish!
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was the following note: "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one Blonde would do this to another."
The other Blonde turns and says, "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?"
She asks, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She gets a puzzled look on her face, "How often do I have to do that?"
She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
"NO!" the Blonde yells back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
The second Blonde looks up the river, then she looks down the river. She shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
The American says, "So what? We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde says, "That's nothing! Blondes will be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American look at each other and in unison say, "Blondes...!" The Russian, in exasperation, says "'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!"
The Blonde flounces her hair and replies, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it running or not?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......" answered the Blonde. "They're watch dogs!"